


A Small Prick

by BritChick91



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: DA characters are just placeholders, Dirty Jokes, Gen, Mercenaries, Swearing, Vampires, bad language, don't require knowledge of DA to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16913283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BritChick91/pseuds/BritChick91
Summary: Never take a job offer that promises to be simple work for easy money.





	A Small Prick

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a piece of work written for my character in a D&D campaign several years back as an "explanation" for why I had to miss a couple of sessions.
> 
> Alana is a High Elf warrior from a wealthy military family with a very "ladette"/tomboy type personality and a bad relationship with most of her relatives. I "borrowed" the Bull's Chargers from Dragon Age so I didn't have to create an original mercenary group - you don't need to know them. In fact, they've been altered in places to fit D&D lore. The rest should hopefully show itself within the story.

 

As damn near always, after her encounters with her family, Alana needed a strong fucking drink.

This time, she’d not been able to head straight to the bar once they arrived back at the Brewery, as she needed to replace her rapier. Her old one had been issued by the High Elf Army, and in her current state, she got some vindictive satisfaction in choosing the one that looked the least like her old one – it was mainly the hilt, rapiers don’t by definition come in many variations. But it made her feel better about her stupid fucking fumble that lost the old blade over the side of a fucking Duagar boat. That was sloppy. She was better than that.

Her… companions (Alana didn’t know what the fuck they were, they had a shared goal and on occasion she took steps to make sure they didn’t die) had either turned in for the night or wandered elsewhere, because she couldn’t see them in the tavern’s main room. She nodded to the barmaid, who recognised her and took the time to paint on a smile. Alana bought a lot of booze, after all, she paid for her rooms up front, she didn’t stick her hands up the girls’ skirts without asking full permission first and she would on occasion assist with asshole punters who were getting out of hand.

“What will it be, Lieutenant?” asked the barmaid, hand already reaching for a bottle.

“Tot of whiskey for warmth,” said Alana. “Then a tankard of ale and a plate of whatever’s available when you can. Please.” she added remembering her manners. No sense pissing off the ones bringing you booze.

“I’ll pay for that,” said a voice behind Alana, who turned to look. She was surprised to see a Tiefling – the tallest she’d ever seen, built like an ox and with horns to match.

“You looked at the girl with a shield and sword on her back and thought ‘This looks like an easy lay’?” said Alana, hiding her surprise behind an unimpressed expression. She may suck at damn near every other form of High Elf behaviour, but she could pull off disdain when she needed to.

“I’m not looking for a lay.” said the Tiefling. His eyes flickered over her for a moment. “Well, I wouldn’t say no if you offered, but that’s not why I approached you. I’m Bull.”

The barmaid returned with Alana’s order and Bull handed her several coins, indicating she could keep the change.

“Hold on.” said Alana, taking the shot of whiskey and downing it. She wiped her mouth, then reached for the tankard and took a gulp. “Sorry. It’s not you, it’s been a really fucking long day.”

“Yeah?” said Bull. “You seem the type to take care of yourself.”

“I do.” said Alana, tearing off a hunk of bread. “But I still don’t appreciate it when folks try to kill me.”

“I know the feeling.” said Bull. “Look, I’ll cut the bullshit. I run a group known as the Chargers, a mercenary group…”

That got Alana’s attention.

“Oh yeah?” she said, looking at him. “How’d you find it?”

“I like it.” said Bull with a lazy grin. “And my crew haven’t killed me in my sleep yet, so they can’t hate it too much. Money’s good, and better yet, we choose all our jobs. We don’t like a job or the person offering it, we get the hell out of dodge.”

“Sounds like a good way to be,” said Alana ruefully, thoughts flashing back to Cian with her usual feelings of hatred and irritation.

“Well, it’s a good thing you said that, because I have a proposition.” said Bull.

“You bought my ale and food, so you have until I finish them.” said Alana, taking another swig of her tankard.

“Alright look. We’ve been offered a job. Piss easy, but we have rules on this kind of thing. We need someone to act as our main shield defence, and from what I’ve heard around the area and the shield on your back, that’s your area of expertise.”

“What’s the job?” said Alana, between spoonfuls of stew.

“Guarding some human noble’s precious daughter. She’s heading from here to some pretty little town a few days away, to get married to the local Lord or some such bullshit; I admit I didn’t care enough to listen. Point is, Daddy dearest is doting and paranoid, so he’ll pay way over the odds to make sure she reaches her destination. We just ride along with the carriage, maybe bash the heads of any bandits dumb enough to approach, and then collect our money.”

“How much are we talking?” asked Alana, interest peaked.

“400 gold on completion of the job.” said Bull. Alana gave a low whistle at the sum. “I know. There’ssix of us, plus we put a cut aside for weapon maintenance, lodgings and so on, plus your cut makes eight. 50 gold for easy work.You in?”

“Why don’t you have a shield defence already?” asked Alana. “If it’s in your rules and all.”

“We did,” said Bull, “But he left.” He saw Alana’s expression. “He retired. Decided he’d gathered enough gold and was getting too old for more adventures.”

“I’m waiting for a contact with my group.” said Alana. “He’s expected at the start of next week.”

“It’s three days there with the carriage, and two days back without it.” said Bull. “You’d be back in time, and 50 gold richer for it too.”

Alana considered. She was pissed off at the Braeden family, more so than usual, and it gave her a rush to think how much being seen in the company of a mercenary group would piss them all off. Especially the Matriarch. She grinned at that thought. She could even stir the pot further by sending a missive about how Cian was “pushing her away” from the family. In every way it was a win.

“Alright Bull.” she said, slapping their hands together and shaking. “You’re on. When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow, at first light.” said Bull. “You need to tell your group?”

“I doubt they’ll care all that much.” said Alana. “But I’ll leave them a note so they know I’m not dead.”

“Good,” said Bull, clapping her shoulder in a way that made the stool she was sitting on creak warningly. “Once you’re done, come back down and meet the crew.”

 

\---

 

Bull’s “crew”, as it turned out, were known as the Chargers, and they were a mixed bunch. One other High Elf, also female, called Skinner, a Wood Elf called Dalish whose staff indicated she had some form of magic, a dwarven alchemist called Rocky (or so he claimed), and then two humans, one who went by Stitches and the other Krem, who acted as Bull’s Lieutenant.

“I hear you’re a Lieutenant too.” said Krem as the group sat down to play cards. “Except your title actually means something.”

“Not really.” said Alana, with an angry little sigh. “Family are bigwigs back home. Big with the army and all that. They wanted me jumped straight to Officer ranks. I disagreed, so I enlisted incognito-like, started from the bottom the way you’re supposed to.” She threw a card down with more force than she intended.

“I wondered if you were one of those Braeden!” said Skinner cheerfully. “So what happened?”

“Worked fine until they wanted to promote me to Sergeant.” said Alana, slightly bitterly. “They checked my record, found out who I said I was didn’t exist, and my family caught wind. So I got jumped to Lieutenant after all.” She turned over her hand and smirked slightly at the groans of the others around the table when they realised they’d lost. “Honestly I’d rather they dismissed me.”

“You’re lost on the types of them.” said Bull. “I’ve been watching you the whole game – you’ve had three or more chances to cheat and didn’t take them.”

“I don’t cheat at cards.” said Alana, for once serious about something. “I’ll cheat the deal when my life’s on the line, but I win cards through skill or not at all.” She took the coin from the group, and Rocky picked up the cards to shuffle and deal again.

“Okay, one more round.” said Bull. “Won’t do for His Lordship to see us roll up hungover tomorrow.”

 

\---

 

“His Lordship” was everything Alana had been expecting – typical weedy noble human type, who had never done an honest day’s work in his life. His daughter was a pretty if slight girl, so Alana assumed her mother must have been one hell of a looker to offset His Lordship’s less than sterling features.

“Here she is.” said His Lordship, patting his daughter’s hand as she watched servants pack up her things onto her carriage. “She has her wedding things and some of her belongings, the rest will be sent on after she arrives. The wedding is next week, so you make sure she gets there in plenty of time!”

Krem stepped forward as the rest of the group rolled their eyes.

“The journey will take three days with the carriage.” he explained. “We know the route well, we’ve travelled it many times guarding merchants.”

“This one’s new.” said His Lordship, eyeing Alana suspiciously. “Is she sound?”

“On loan from the High Elf Military themselves.”Krem supplied, glancing at Alana to encourage her not to correct him. “Couldn’t get more sound.”

“Very well.” said His Lordship with a sniff.

“We’ll get Her Ladyship to her wedding with plenty of time to meet her new family.” said Krem, with a forced smile.

“See that you do.” said His Lordship, before turning on his heel and entering his house again, slamming the door behind him. His daughter entered the carriage with another young woman who looked to be her handmaiden.

“Is he not going with her?” asked Alana, confused.

“Apparently not.” said Bull, with a shrug. “He might ride up to see her get hitched, but he didn’t mention it.”

“Humans are strange…” said Alana, before glancing at Krem. “No offence.”

“Closer to ‘nobles are strange’.” said Krem with a smirk. “Seems that’s the way in every race.”

“Do you always talk for Bull in front of clients?” said Alana.

“Have to.” said Krem. “We tried having him at the front to start off, no one would believe he was in charge, or that we were there willingly or whatever. Most people think Tieflings are evil, stupid, or both. This way, he gets to lurk menacingly, but we get our point across. Worked for us so far.”

The men loading the carriage declared it done, locking latches and closing doors.

“Right, Alana, Skinner and Dalish will be in the carriage with Her Ladyship and her Handmaiden. Boys can’t ride in the carriage, wouldn’t be proper apparently – plus there’s no room for my horns – so we’ll ride either with the driver or at the back.” said Bull, as the others scurried to obey.

“Hope this is a sturdy fucking carriage…” Alana heard Krem mutter as he went to the seats at the back.

 

\---

 

The first two days of the journey were almost completely uneventful. Alana’s position was at the larger of the two windows in the carriage, so that if anyone threw or fired anything in, she could block it with her shield. The group ate and napped in rotation, so someone was always on watch. Her Ladyship barely spoke, even to her handmaiden, and the group were happy to leave her be.

It wasn’t until after the sun was long set on the second day that the group began to become restless. Bull dropped from his spot next to the carriage’s driver and stepped up to the window, walking alongside it.

“I don’t like this.” he said. “I wasn’t expecting much trouble, but we haven’t passed anyone. Not even merchants or other travellers. This road should be one of the busiest on this side of the city…”

“There’s not even tracks or footprints on the road.” said Krem, leaning around the corner of the carriage from his seat on the back. “It’s… dead.”

On that happy statement, the carriage suddenly bucked, jerked to one side and then abruptly stopped, nearly throwing everyone in or on it.

“Why have we stopped?!” Bull barked at the driver.

“The horses are pulling! We’re just not moving!” protested the driver.

“Shit.” said Bull. Alana, Skinner and Dalish all jumped out of the carriage, and the Chargers and guest examined the area around the carriage.

“Chief!”Krem called from the front of the carriage where Dalish was shining light on the carriage’s wheels. Bull circled around as the others gathered. “Someone’s dug a ditch.”

“Shit.” Bull repeated. “Bandits?”

“Not sure.” said Krem, glancing around. “Weird place for it. We can’t see them, but they wouldn’t see us that well either.”

Skinner examined the ditch.

“This looks like animals to me. You can see claw marks in the dirt.”

“So, animals with big ass claws and a love of digging trenches. Well, that’s moderately better.” said Bull with a grunt.

“What do we do?” said Alana. Bull sighed.

“Let’s see how heavy this glorified cart is, maybe we can lift it out. Otherwise, we’ll have to dig a slope in the path to get this thing back up and moving.” He gestured at the driver. “You can help as well.”

“The horse’s pulling might help too.” said Rocky. “That way, even if we can only lift it briefly, they could help get some purchase.”

“Good idea.” said Krem. “Alright, everyone, spread out and grab hold of the carriage somewhere. Chief, you should go at the front, that’s where it’s most needed.”

The carriage was made to look impressive, and impressive generally means heavy. The group took their places and tried to lift, but it was slow and painful.

“Don’t suppose you got some High Elf magic that can help lift, Alana?” asked Skinner through gritted teeth.

“Only think I got that’s magic are my tits and my smile.” said Alana, cursing under her breath as the weight on the carriage caused burning pain to shoot up her arms.

“Chief!” hissed Rocky from the back of the carriage. “There’s something in the woods back- ah!”

The back of the carriage dropped with a thud and the rest of the Charger’s quickly dropped their sides of the load too in order to investigate. Alana drew her sword and shield and stayed by the door to Her Ladyship’s carriage as the others searched for Rocky.

“Where’s Stitches?” Bull bellowed in rage. “Who the fuck attacked us?”

“They’re here!” said Krem, moving a way back down the path. “Dalish, give us some light!”

Dalish summoned an orb of light, which fell across the slumped bodies of Stitches and Rocky. Krem knelt and examined them.

“I think they’re okay. They’re alive, just knocked out.” he declared after a moment’s tense pause.

“We still don’t know what got them though…” said Bull, uneasy. “And whatever it was crept up on all of us without us hearing – eyes open! They could still be here. Skinner! Front and centre, you know woodlands better than the rest of us.”

Alana glanced around cautiously, remaining in front of the carriage’s door. The woods were still for a moment as the group waited, and then creatures burst from them. Alana saw their shining red eyes and remembered the images from her training.

“Vampires!” she called, raising her shield in readiness for the first to reach her.

It swiped at her with its claws, but she batted them away with her shield and stabbed at him with her rapier. The blade cut through the creature easily, but its charge meant she had missed the heart. Blood darker than any living creature’s bubbled from the wound as she withdrew her sword. The vampire snarled, and in lieu of a returning comment, Alana struck it in the face with her shield, snapping its head back and causing it to stagger.

Bull and Krem both struck it from behind when it staggered into their reach, while Dalish sent several fire spells to strike it in the chest. This time when she stabbed the creature in the chest, her blade struck its heart clean through, and the creature dissolved to dust.

By this time, the Chargers were fighting the other vampire, and for the most part doing well. However, the group were clearly used to having a healer amongst their ranks, and took risks Alana would never have let her own men take. The vampire managed to trip Dalish with a lucky kick, and she thudded to the group, staff rolling from her hand and only her lightly clothed arms to defend her.

The others were too far away, so Alana took off at a run, charging the vampire before it could slash Dalish’s throat and putting her shield between herself and the wood elf. The vampire howled in fury as its claws bounced painfully off of the shield, but Bull swept his axe through the air and took off its head before it could react further. Both vampires were dust piles around them, but the group didn’t have time to catch their breath before they heard a scream from the carriage behind them. Alana ran to the open door and looked inside.

“Shit!” she spat, before turning. “Both women are gone. More vampires took them.” She glanced around the side of the carriage. “And the driver’s dead.”

“I know vampires.” said Krem. “Those two were just spawn. If they were after food, why not eat Stitches and Rocky first? And why not feed on the women here? Why take them away?”

“Real vampires are smart.” said Bull grimly. “They must have a plan. This was too convenient for luck. The ditch, taking out the rear guard – and the healer – first, distracting us with spawn while they went for the real target – they knew we were coming.”

It was not a comforting thought.

“What’s the plan Chief?” asked Krem.

Bull considered.

“Try and wake Rocky and Stitches, we’re going to need them.” he growled after a moment.

“We’re going after them, aren’t we.” said Skinner in a dull voice.

“We have to.” said Bull bluntly. “We arrive at our destination minus the one we were paid to protect and say ‘oh, sorry, vampires got her’, who’s ever going to hire us again? We’d be run out of town, and out of business.” He cleared his throat. “Plus, I don’t see vamps treating Her Ladyship nor her maid particularly gently.”

Alana leant against the carriage, thinking.

“Seem odd to you that His Lordship was paying so much for an easy job?” she asked after a moment.

Bull turned slowly to look at her.

“What’s your point?” he asked.

“Her ladyship was wearing an awfully high necked dress for this warm a time of year.” she commented, shrugging. “And His Lordship was pretty keen to not be in this carriage. What if –“

“He knew.” Bull snarled in realisation. “He knew vamps were after her, and that’s why he hired us!”

“Would explain why he’s marrying her off to some lord in the middle of nowhere.” Krem noted. “From what I know, true vampires often have real delusions of nobility and grandeur. Maybe a vamp decided he wanted Her Ladyship for a bride, and spooked His Lordship something fierce.”

“You know a lot about vampires.” Alana commented to Krem, who looked awkward.

“Family history.” he said uneasily.

“You mean your family hunts them?” Alana asked curiously, but Krem’s unease did not reduce.

“Something like that.” he said, shrugging.

“We’re no good going after the vampires like this tonight.” said Dalish. “Even if Rocky and Stiches do wake up. We’re tired, we’re stiff from the journey and we’re rattled.”

“There’s a small village up ahead, the last one before our destination, Chief.” said Skinner. “I say we leave the carriage here, go there to rest and heal up, and come back tomorrow in the daylight to track the vampires.”

“Her Ladyship could be a puddle by then!” said Bull, frustrated.

“Nah,” said Skinner. “Don’t seem their style, or they’d have tried to eat us too. They got ceremony in mind, and no vamp would start a ceremony with so few hours to sunrise.”

Bull sighed, but nodded.

“Quick march, I want us at the village within the hour. We’ll use the horses to transport Stitches and Rocky. Let’s go!”

 

\---

 

The village was little more than a circle of buildings with some farmland behind it, but they welcomed the Chargers (and guest) with open, if slightly shaky arms. It turned out they too had encountered the vampires.

“Oh yes,” said an elderly woman who acted as the village healer, pausing in her thorough examination of the group for bitemarks as they ate dried mutton and bread at her table. “Swept in nearly two months back, caused a terrible ruckus. They steal animals from the farms mainly, but every now and then they try for a human meal. There’s just one main vampire that we’ve seen, raising a whole load of thralls, but many get taken out eventually. We’ve tried to get word to bigger towns, but most haven’t bothered to send anyone. We’ve little to offer, you see.”

“Do you have potions of healing?” asked Stitches, who was holding a poultice to the back of his head and looking slightly sorry for himself. Rocky grunted next to him, shifting his own poultice over a rapidly blooming black eye.

“A few.” said the healer. “Why – do you intend to go after them?”

“Damn right we do.” Muttered Bull. Suddenly, he paused. “But if we do this, wemight not get you back by your appointment, Alana.”

“My group can handle it.” said Alana. “They’re… capable.”

“You’re sure?” said Krem. “You didn’t sign up for vampires. We wouldn’t blame you for heading back. You could take one of the horses.”

“I said I’d help you and I will. Besides, if I head back now I’ll have nothing to show for it.” said Alana.

Bull nodded.

“We get back, I’m having a chat with His Lordship.” he declared.“If he knew about the vampires, we’re bumping the price.”

 

\--- 

 

The Chargers left the village when the sun was high in the sky, and any vampires in the area were almostcertainly sleeping. They traced their way back to the carriage with relative ease, and Skinner examined the area for tracks while the others waited. During this time, Alana looked inside the carriage, and noticed a small hand mirror Her Ladyship had likely been carrying while they had travelled. Remembering a piece of trivia from her training, she slipped the mirror into a pocket of her cloak for safekeeping.

“I’ve got a trail!” shouted Skinner, triumphant, and the group set off. Once they were in the woodland proper, progress was slow. The trees were thick and sinister, twisting treacherously underfoot.

“I can tell why a vampire might find this place homey.” Alana muttered, and Krem snorted behind her.

“No way to speed this up Chief?” he called to Bull, who shook his head.

“Not without risking more injury. Let’s keep it to two bumps on the head this job.” he said.

The group eventually had to stop and take a break – the sunlight beating down on them may have been keeping away vampires, but it also made the journey through the woods uncomfortably hot and draining. Alana could feel the heat of her chainmail through her leather undercoat. The group drained their waterskins, and had to switch them for new ones – fortunately, Bull had been carrying enough for everyone - even Alana - in his pack. Reluctantly, the group set off once more.

By the time they’d reached the end of the trail, the sun was beginning to dip again, and the trees were casting long shadows. They stared at the entrance to the cave.

“Well.” said Krem. “This screams ‘never getting out again’.”

Bull grunted.

“Lose our lives or lose our livelihoods. Either way we lose. Get in the cave.”

 

\---

 

The Chargers crept down the narrow passage of the cave, eyes scanning for danger in the fast fading light. The one benefit of the tight squeeze was that it (hopefully) meant that any vampires in the area couldn’t circle around to sneak up on them. Bull had insisted on taking the lead, with Alana behind him so she could throw up her shield if anything suddenly dived at them. She suspected Bull was taking the attacks on Rocky and Stitches rather personally, as he wouldn’t hear of letting Alana go in front to guard the whole group. Eventually, Bull paused.

“I think I see candlelight up ahead.” he hissed back to the group. “Be ready!”

Alana drew her rapier from its hilt and followed Bull into the doorway ahead, the Chargers following swiftly behind. The space they had stepped into had been transformed into a form of chamber, surprisingly ornate for its location, with a throne at one end of the room, and several doors leading further into the caves. The room appeared empty, but when all of the Chargers were within, a great howling wind kicked up, rattling the furniture, and when it died down, a vampire was sitting upon the throne.

“Oh we’ve got a _theatrical_ one…” Bull muttered sourly. “That’s just great.”

“So!” said the Vampire, voice ringing around the chamber. “You have come to steal away my bride. That I cannot allow.”

“She’s not your bride though, is she?” said Alana, irritated. “She’s engaged to some la-di-da noble in the mountains.”

The Vampire’s eyes flashed in anger.

“Her father thought he could keep her from me! Mary received me willingly, but he was worried about what the neighbours would say!” he declared, but any further statements were interrupted by Bull’s howl of outrage.

“I _knew_ His Lordship knew about the fucking vampires, I knew it!” he seethed. “We survive this, I am kicking his ass out of his own manor windows!”

“One step at a time, eh Chief?” said Krem wryly. “Gotta survive first.”

“Excuse me,” said the Vampire, sounding rather put out. “If you’re not going to take this seriously…!”

The Chargers all looked at him, perplexed.

“How do you mean?” asked Krem, almost in spite of himself. Skinner elbowed him in the ribs immediately afterwards.

“Well there’s… dialogue! In these kinds of situations!” said the Vampire, all but pouting. “You know ‘Unhand the maiden, foul beast!’ and all that lot, and then we get on to my villainous plan, and then we all start fighting and you start worrying about survival…”

“We’re not ones for much foreplay.” said Alana. “Look, where’s Her Lady-“ she paused, glancing at Krem. “Uh…?”

“Lady Mary.” Krem provided helpfully.

“Right. Where’s Lady Mary? And her handmaiden too, for that matter.” said Alana.

“They are preparing for our dark wedding!” said the Vampire with an attempt at an evil cackle. “For when the clocks strike midnight, I shall make Lady Mary my eternal brid- _what?!_ ” he snapped, and the others turned to see Dalish had raised her hand in question.

“Do you even have a clock?” she asked.

“…No…” said the Vampire after a moment’s awkward pause.

“Well then, how can you tell when it’s midnight? And do you have a priest? Hard to have a wedding without a priest!”

This confrontation was clearly not going anywhere near how the Vampire had planned, and he spluttered for a moment before just gaping at them.

“It’s an expression!” he snapped at last. “When midnight comes, I will take her to my chambers-“

“Well that’s not very progressive!” said Skinner, grinning at how frustrated the Vampire was fast becoming. “A girl can have as many partners as she likes, she doesn’t have to marry the first one who ‘takes her to their chambers’!”

“And I will – _will you all shut up_!” The vampire roared the final bit, and that, at last, was believably monstrous.

The Chargers froze, realising they had clearly pushed their luck somewhat.

“Thank you.” said the Vampire sarcastically. “As I was saying, once Lady Mary is my eternal bride, I will have you deliver her to her _other_ wedding as planned…”

“Wait, what?” said Bull, thrown.

“Oh yes, we shall continue on my love’s planned journey, but I shall accompany her, and when she is Lady of the mountain town, we shall feast and turn as many as we wish! A vampire’s haven, and the perfect place to raise an army to bring about eternal night!”

“Someone thinks highly of themselves…” Alana muttered, but Bull was more bothered by another aspect of the plan.

“Why would we help you by transporting you to the town?” he asked, bemused.

“Oh, didn’t I mention?” said the Vampire. “You will be my undead slaves.”

“Course we will.” said Krem, deadpan.

“We’ll die first!” roared Bull, drawing his axe.

“Well yes.” said the Vampire. “That’s kind of the point.”

He whistled, and after a moment, two thralls leapt through the doorway and into the chamber.

“Oh, this is going to suck.” said Alana, readying her shield. Then she realised what she’d said and paused. “Or preferably not. Oh let’s just fucking kill them already!”

The first thrall froze for a moment to decide its target, and Dalish took the opportunity to throw a fireball at it. The flames caught on its doublet, causing the thrall to shriek in pain and try to retreat, but Krem, Bull and Alana took advantage of its momentary distraction to surround it. Bull swung with his axe, but only struck a glancing blow due to the thrall’s speed; Krem’s warhammer, on the  other hand, connected solidly.

Rocky chose to hold off the other thrall with a flash of Alchemist’s fire, Skinner waited for her best opportunity to strike, knives ready, and Stiches stayed at a safe distance, ready to heal anyone who needed it. Alana struck out while the thrall was distracted, but, most likely guided by its master, the creature suddenly ducked away from her, and she had to pull her thrust back to avoid hitting Bull or Krem. Dalish’s next spell was a simple magic missile, but its light stunned the thrall, allowing Bull to swing and take off one of its arms. Krem struck the thrall about the head, and this time, it could not avoid Alana’s rapier as it pieced the heart.

The thrall turned to ash, as the Chargers turned to deal with the next one. Unfortunately, the thrall had taken the opportunity to get worryingly close to Stitches, who was backing away cautiously, but wasn’t able to get enough distance between them as the thrall leapt at him. They both went down, and the thrall clamped his teeth onto Stitches’ neck.

“No!” cried the Vampire to his minion. “Do not kill him! Only I will have that power!”

“Stitches!” bellowed Bull, fury visibly pulsing through this body. “I’ll fucking kill you, leech!”

Krem and Alana both glanced at each other and as one stepped aside to let Bull charge at the thrall, beserker rage making the tiefling move faster than anyone would have expected. The thrall disengaged from Stitches to turn and try to meet Bull’s charge, and the medic took the chance to drop to the floor and roll out of the danger zone. Skinner jumped to the healer’s aid, attempting to help stem the bleeding as Bull all but threw the thrall into a wall. The thrall’s head cracked against the wall with a dull thud, but it stayed standing, and conscious.

As Bull focused on attempting to pummel the thrall into ash with the side of his axe, the Vampire finally joined the fray, stalking over to Stitches with the intent of finishing what his minion had started. Skinner, realising what was happening, drew a knife and attempted to plunge it into the Vampire’s chest. The blade struck home, and for a moment it felt like everything in the room paused, waiting to see if that was enough to defeat the Vampire.

Sadly, it was not. The blade was sticking out of the Vampire’s chest, but only a few inches had suck into flesh. The Vampire looked upon the blade and laughed mockingly.

“A valiant attempt.” he said to Skinner. “But not enough. I will deal with you later.”

He swung one hand and struck Skinner hard enough that she barrelled into the nearby doorframe, and sank to the ground, unconscious. Bull growled, but was too busy fending off the thrall to change directions. Krem did instead, charging at the Vampire with a hefty swing of his Warhammer. The vampire ducked at the last moment, but couldn’t dodge completely, so the blow hit his shoulder instead of his head. The Vampire hissed in fury, but his attempt at revenge was blocked by Dalish throwing another fireball at him, which hit him in the face and managed to ignite the oil he was using to slick back his hair.

Alana was forced to take her eyes off of the Vampire to finish off the thrall now that Bull had beaten most of the unlife from it, so she endeavoured to end the creature’s second life as quickly as she could. The first shot veered off at the last moment and impaled the vampire in the shoulder, so Bull hit it with his axe again as she pulled her rapier loose and repositioned to try again. This time, she drew the mirror she had taken from the carriage and pointed it at the thrall, who cowered away from her. Without the thrall dodging and weaving, her aim struck true, and got the creature directly through the heart, and just for good measure, Bull swept his axe and took off the thralls head a split second afterwards.

There was no time for revelling in the latest victory though, as Alana heard Krem shout a warning and suddenly a great force struck her from behind, sending her bodily across the chamber. When she could see straight, she saw that the Vampire’s swoop had hit Bull too, knocking him in completely the other direction. Alana saw the vampire turn towards her, and when she saw the state he was now in – clothing bloody and singed where it wasn’t burned away entirely, hair ragged where the flames had caught it, face smeared with soot – she couldn’t help a small smirk. The Vampire saw it and was enraged, grabbing her by the front of her chainmail.

“So you think you’re a funny one do you?” he snarled, spitting blood and notably missing some fangs. “Well I’ll make sure none of you ever laugh again!”

Alana couldn’t help it – adrenalin kicked her smart arse instincts into overdrive.

“Oh don’t worry,” she cooed in a condescending tone. “Think of this as practise for midnight.” she nodded towards the dagger still sticking out of the Vampire’s chest. “You know, a small prick.”

The Vampire gaped at her, speechless at her audacity even while he held her life quite literally in his hands.

“You… you dare…?!” he gasped.

“Doubt it’ll be the last time tonight someone asks if it’s in yet!” said Alana in a rush before the Vampire could stop her talking by stopping her breathing. Heh. As last words went, that wasn’t awful.

Wait.

The dagger!

Summoning her dwindling strength, Alana grabbed the hand holding her aloft and swung her legs, twisting as she did so. It would take a miracle, it would take the stars aligning, but she had nothing else to lose…!

The stars aligned, or at the very least, the odds that ran the entire universe rolled in her favour, and with a solid kick, Alana sent the blade embedded in the Vampire’s chest plunging through his ribcage and into his heart. The Vampire froze for a moment in disbelief, before he began to crumble to dust.

Sadly, there was now nothing holding Alana in the air, and she dropped painfully onto the stone floor of the cave, her chainmail ringing with the impact.

“Son of a bitch!” she cursed when she remembered how to breathe.

“We all alive?” asked Krem after the Chargers took a moment to catch their breath.

“Just about.” said Stitches, checking Skinner’s head for cuts. “Afraid we weren’t able to keep it to two bumps on the head though Chief.”

Bull grunted.

“If we stay breathing, I won’t hold it against you.” he glanced at Alana. “You alright?”

“When I remember which way is up, I’ll be fucking golden.” Alana informed him.

Bull assisted her to her feet, and when her head stopped ringing and the urge to vomit passed, Alana was able to move shakily to the doorways beyond the throne chamber.

“Careful.” said Bull. “We don’t know if there’s any more thralls. The healer said –“

“Now the main vampire’s dead, any thralls will get the fuck out of here.” said Krem with authority. “Besides, we just took out a real vampire. Without him clouding their heads, most will be smart enough not to fight us.”

“If you say so.” said Bull. “But let’s not invite trouble anyway.”

 

Lady Mary and her handmaiden (who it turned out was called Sarah) were waiting in a small room nearby, and were very happy to see them. Lady Mary admitted that she had been receptive to the Vampire’s courtship to start with, but her father certainly hadn’t.

“But then he kidnapped me!” she said, scandalised. “And sent his thralls to do it too! And that poor driver…” she sniffed. “I was hoping you would rescue us.”

“We’re very lucky.” said Sarah, nodding in relief.

“We need to get back to the carriage.” said Bull. “The horses are at the nearest village though… and we’ll need to dig out the wheels from the ditch these fuckers dug.”

“Let’s just head back to the village tonight.” said Krem. “We can fetch the carriage tomorrow morning.”

Bull was volunteered to carry Skinner back to the village, and Krem stayed beside both Alana and Stiches in case either started to topple over. Fortunately, once the group was back into the woodlands, the cool night air made Alana feel a great deal better.

“Anyone remember the way back to the path?” she asked. “Our tracker is out cold.”

“I do. Roughly.” said Krem. “It’ll be slow going in this light though.”

“Slow is just fine with me right now.” said Alana.

Bull grunted, shifting Skinner on his back.

“Likewise,” he said roughly. “But the sooner we’re back among the living, the better. Move out!”

 

As expected, the journey back to the village was slow and painful for everyone. The healer was surprised to see them back so quickly – or indeed at all – but welcomed them into her home once more, gladly providing blankets and straw so the Chargers could curl up in front of her fire and pass out from pain and exhaustion. The whole group slept well into the next day, and when they finally dragged themselves out, the villagers insisted on thanking them for stopping the animal snatchings and other dangers of the vampires. The villagers provided food and homemade spirits of varying levels of quality, and the Chargers ended up sleeping another night in the village.

Finally, the Chargers took their horses and walked back to where the carriage had been abandoned, accompanied by villagers with shovels. The villagers dug the carriage wheels out in barely any time at all, and aside from a few daring animals, no one had disturbed the carriage’s contents, so soon the group were back in their seats, save for Bull who took over driving.

Lady Mary was very different from the first leg of the journey, switching from asking many questions of Skinner, Dalish and Alana about their travels, adventures and training, to talking only in low whispers to Sarah, who looked more concerned with each quiet conversation.

It was just over a full day to reach the village in the mountains, as Bull was unused to driving such a bulky vehicle. Most of the passers-by stopped to stare at the ornate but mud splattered carriage being driven by a tiefling, but at last a manservant ran up to them and greeted the group.

“You are Lady Mary’s guard party?” he asked, disapproval clear in his voice. “We were expecting you three days ago.”

“We ran into some vampires.” Bull drawled, and the manservant flinched. “They held us up. But we’re here now, and still in time for the wedding.”

“I shall fetch my Lord and his son, the groom to be,” the manservant informed them, and fled.

He returned twenty minutes later with an irritated looking nobleman and his very bored looking son, who did not seem all that thrilled to meet his bride. Said bride didn’t look that happy about it either.

“My man tells me you had trouble with vampires?” the nobleman asked Mary incredulously.

“We did.” said Mary, and she glanced at Sarah before straightening up and announcing. “And that is why I cannot marry your son.”

At least one onlooker gasped. It may have been Bull.

“Why ever not?” the nobleman demanded.

“Because I have found a greater calling.” said Mary. “I wish to become a vampire hunter so that creatures like the ones we encountered cannot terrorise more innocents. My handmaiden Sarah knows more of the world than I, and she knows of places where I can find hunters and be trained as one.”

The nobleman faltered.

“Oh, very well!” he said, frustrated, as his son made a gesture of victory behind his back. “I cannot force you. I suppose the wedding is off!”

“That was unexpected…” said Krem.

“We got her to the wedding, what she did after that wasn’t our responsibility.” said Bull, watching the nobleman storm off. His son approached the group, grinning.

“Best news I’ve had all month!” he said. “Let me treat you all to a drink, a meal and a night at our tavern for your part in matters.”

The journey back was far less eventful than the journey there, by a long shot. There were a few moments where the cracking of branches put everyone on high alert, but in every case it turned out to be an animal, or even the wind. The Chargers went straight to His Lordship, and informed him of the developments, causing him to threaten to set the guards on him. It took Bull pointing out that His Lordship had to have known of the vampires when he hired them to get any money at all from him, and even so, it was not the promised 400 gold. Bull quickly split it among the group anyway, throwing Alana her share, which she stuffed in a pocket without even stopping to count.

“It’s been good working with you, Bull.” she said, as the Chargers prepared to split up and spend their gold.

“Likewise.” said Bull with a wide grin. “Even if it’s usually not _that_ eventful. Listen,” he said, suddenly serious. “That group you’re with doesn’t work out, or you finish up and decide to move on? Come and find us; we’ll make an official Charger of you. No matter when, or where. We could really use another fighter like you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” said Alana, truthfully, before heading back to Ben’s Brewery with a whistled tune.

Now that’d really piss off her family. Mercenary Alana Braeden, whether a member of the Chargers or heading her own group? The thought that promise, the kind best reflected in the bottom of a tankard.

Maybe she didn’t have to return to the military after all… she mused as she entered the Brewery. She’d been all but dismissed, after all. Perhaps this could be how she found her own path, instead of her family’s.


End file.
